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I came across this guided retreat after reaching out to my university’s Chaplaincy, as I had just started to learn about the faith, writes Cadence, (a student at the University of Cambridge who completed a Retreat in Daily Life earlier this year.)

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Looking for connection

I felt that I had spent my life trying to pray: desperately wanting to connect with myself, other people and the world. Watching nature, watching my thoughts, letting them be gently guided by the experiences I was having in these natural spaces that felt so charged with an energy of warmth and life.  I was attuned to the trees, sky, animals and felt a presence I had felt and longed to connect with through my senses, words and imagining.

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And connection is what I found through the retreat. I had always tried to be open to experience. I had tried to train myself to be receptive to things without fear, without being guarded, but I needed compassionate assistance to do that.

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With the prayer guide’s empathy and understanding, I was given the space to explore what prayer meant to me personally and given the scripture I needed to assist me.

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Through Ignatian prayer, I was enabled to meet Jesus in moments where I engaged with moments of healing from Luke and Matthew for example. My guide encouraged me to use this imaginative style of prayer which was very beneficial to the way I interact with the experience, and the scripture allowed for thoughtful meditation and reflection as it resonated with me personally.

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Meeting Jesus in prayer

From the very first evening that I prayed, I was struck by the compassion of Jesus and my ability to access him. He knew me, spoke to me gently and told me exactly what I had needed to hear:

“You do not have to try so hard. They are safe with me. I will look after them”

As his words unfolded, I felt palpable relief – my constant worries about my family’s safety were not my concern to control anymore. I was astounded at how assured I felt that he would take care of them.

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In later evenings, the theme of me giving up my illusions of control and trust up to him were developed. Later he told me:

“Receive things slowly.”

In prayer, I met Jesus on the shore and felt the motion of the waves washing over me.

Through his words, calming presence and the symbolic potency of the waves, I felt he was telling me to accept change, to accept constancy, and receive those changes with grace and trust in the safety that he would deliver to myself and my family. In that imaginative space I felt such respite and sanctuary, as the ushering gasp of the waves entered my ears, resonating like inhaling and exhaling prayers rising upwards in the sea spray.

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Then he was silent, and as he looked at me I was struck by how familiar his presence was; I felt that I knew him already. And that he had always known me. Again, I was relieved: I had been understood and reached by him so gently. I hadn’t had to beg to be accepted or to receive guidance.

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Compassion and joy

Another impression I had was the quiet joy that emanated from him. Then I found the joy was mutual. We looked at each other with recognition and understanding, and I felt joy in that symbiotic expression of empathy.

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Now, I am carrying on my journey with the faith, feeling assured and guided by Jesus’ compassion for me in whatever state I am. I learnt that I do not need to be perfect. I do not need to hide. I can embrace experience and trust in God to reach me with the messages I need.